It was a crisp evening. Rain flooded the dark streets and reflected the colored street lights. The night was fresh, the air was chilled, everything was new. The memories flooded in as I walked in the streets my work filled mornings used to occupy. I was ready for a clean slate. Everything had been building up to a point I wasn’t able to breathe without being heavily aware of it. Hands shaking and heart pacing was just apart of my daily routine. Coffee no longer worked like the adrenaline which was starting to build. This kind wasn’t the inspired kind, it was the on the edge of your seat anxiety kind. The kind of adrenaline that causes chronic insomnia and sleepless nights. I wished I could see the sun when I woke up and appreciate my love’s tender kisses before I left in the morning. But slowly everything was distancing me from the purity of life. Survival was a game I was falling behind in, and the marathon I was running had no finish line. Until that morning after the graveyard shift I was invited to draw one.
The color of the day is beige. It’s subtle, it’s quiet, and it’s easy on the eyes. It doesn’t boast, its beauty is simple. Today is a beige kind of day. Everything in life this morning is so beautiful it felt fragile. The softest sunrise comforted me as I woke up from the deepest 12 hour sleep, the kind where you wake up and look around and everything feels different. It’s almost as if I had woken up in someone else’s life and didn’t recognize anything. Or perhaps it’s the fact I made a life changing decision and realized that everything surrounding me wasn’t crashing, but rebuilding. The foundation of my life was now exposed as I became aware of the simplicity of letting go. Holding on to emotions, places, and people that aren’t meant to be in your life only makes it harder to see that beautiful sunrise for what it truly is. The comfort of this simple morning surrounding me was like the feeling of revisiting an old friend. Hearing their voice and seeing their face invited memories that felt like home. The welcoming scent of coffee and the birds chirping was the crisp beginning of a fresh slate. A new beginning was finally here, and all it took was drawing a finish line to the 24hr marathon I had been running for so long.